Movie Review: Noah (2014)

All weekend I have been trying to figure out what I think about the movie Noah. Friday night Kevin and I ventured to the theatre to check it out, lured in by the intense previews.

Intense, yeah I think that is a fair descriptor for Noah.

Entertaining, another accurate word you can use to describe the movie Noah.

But would I watch it again? Hell no.

Kevin and I could start a podcast that has all of our reviews from the half hour drive home from the theatre. Most of the time our opinions of blockbusters are pretty nice, we enjoy 90% of the movies we see. We went wild over Noah in different ways. We both acknowledged that there were points in the movie where we out right laughed (and I will admit to a couple tears). For once the brats that sat behind us and talked through the entire movie did not annoy us. Weirdly it is a movie that is so long and ridiculous that you want to look over at the person you came to the movie with say, “whaaaaa?”

Our conclusion about Noah is that Director Darren Aronofsky basically wanted to make a movie mocking to story of Noah and The Ark. I personally don’t have any problem with the special effects used throughout the movie, or the story but the way Aronofsky mix them together is crazy. Like Lord of the Rings meets the story of Noah and the Ark from your childhood.

Rock giants. Yes, rock giants or “Watchers” are one of the most ridiculous parts of the whole movie. If giant mounds of rock walking around and talking intrigue you, see this movie. If you can get onboard with that I’m not sure you are going to like the rest of this blog…

To say Aronofsky took liberties with the story is to be kind. It is definitely not the Noah I remember from Sunday School.

On top of the crazy directorial choices there is a ton of overacting throughout the movie. Russell Crowe and Emma Watson can pull it off, Jennifer Connelly not so much.  Kevin would like to note that even though Crowe eventually was very old man Noah in the movie at all times he remained thick, solid and tight. Sigh. Crowe makes it easy to believe that old man Noah could kick anyone’s ass, especially his sons. Noah is a boss.

This movie was crazy from beginning to end. Noah did have its beautiful moments, but the ridiculous outweighed the believable. That is why we think Aronofsky made this movie to prove that Noah and The Ark is a story so out of this world that it could never have happened.

I would rent this one, though it looks great on the big screen it is so long that you are inevitably going to need a breather to talk it out and gather your wits.