Mountain Middays - Daily Dose of Weird May 09, 2014- The Most Ironic Prison Assignment Ever

Have you watched Orange is the New Black?

Watch it. It has changed the way I look at jail time. In fact it actually has made me fear going to jail more than I did before I watched the show.

All I could think about while I read this story was a character in the show, Red, and what her response would be to this guy. The culprit in this story is a former New York City Police Officer who is behind bars for allegedly planning to take part in cannibalism in real life online.  I think it is great that he is now working to pursue becoming a chef; but it is so ironic and strange.

Part of me wonders if he maybe should have been a chef instead of a police officer. Maybe all of his alleged cannibalistic online crimes would not have happened if he was pursuing his dream to make people food… phrasing. Maybe he should have always been in the kitchen cooking for people… better?

Urg. Choking on irony. 

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When I Have a Bad Day

I am having a bad day.

My bad days rarely come around. Usually when they strike it starts first thing in the morning and is constant stream of crappy happenings until bedtime. Today is one of those days.

Normally, I have very strict rules for my bad days.

1. Shut up about your bad day. Nobody wants to hear about it. Don’t tweet or blog about it, seriously there are bigger problems than whatever is going on with your lame excuse for a bad day. Give it up and get over it. You better not make a Facebook post about it, you whimp.
2. Don’t eat everything in sight. Tomorrow your bad day will be over and you’ll fee like crap if you eat whatever. The only thing worse than your bad day today is being bloated and nasty (mean) because you ate crappy food all day yesterday because you were having a bad day. Give it up, show a little self control and eat a salad and a burger. Have an iced coffee and maybe a piece of dark chocolate dipped in almond butter, you will feel better.
3. If you watch Sons of Anarchy, Breaking Bad or any TV show or movie that deals with crime and bad-assedness you will start a hard as ---- complex in your mind and it will make you want to smoke (gross). Sit and look at pictures of puppies, YouTube videos of people falling or watch Katherine Hiegl movies--- you are soft and malleable (like a teddy bear). Do not forget this or you will start acting like a thug and people will be intimidated by you for the wrong reasons. You are a nice girl, who has never gotten in a real fight and orange would not look good on you.
4. No one should know you are having a bad day. You have not mentioned, so how could they know? 

I’m not crazy. I just polished off the first season of ‘Orange is the New Black’ and I am really into ‘Breaking Bad’ and ‘Sons of Anarchy’ starts up again tonight. Combine all these bad ass TV shows and a Kate Bruce bad mood and you’ve got a wicked complex. I remember watching the movie ‘Thirteen’ when I was sixteen and having a bad day and having the worst complex afterwards.

Clearly, I have broken all of those rules today... 

So until its quitting time I am spending my time focusing on these things:

And most of all:

Because not only am I having an Eeyore like day, I am super super lame.