I had a pretty embarrassing Sunday. As you can read in my
previous post found here, I spent the day learning about the world of
competitive video gaming. Once that was finally over, I was excited to watch
Big Brother and reenter my world of pointless girl drama. Little did I know I
would have to cross through the torturous world that is teenagerdom first. That’s
right, I suffered through a whole 20 minutes of the ‘Teen Choice Awards’.
Yes, it was suffering. I love award shows, but the ‘Teen
Choice Awards’ is unbearable to adult-Kate. It is unfortunate because the same
people who did a horrible job voting for the awards are the people attending
the awards moshpit; teen girls. Here is the Kate Bruce magic equation for
understanding teen girls, it all is based on how many you have to deal with.
1 teen girl – potential to be best friends for an afternoon,
day or weekend, she will love everything you do and say you are the coolest
2 teen girls – they don’t like you, they ARE whispering
about you and nothing you do is cool
3 teen girls – two of them are horrible (read above), one of
them understands your pain and is surprisingly bearable
4 teen girls - just put on ‘Mean Girls’ (every girls guilty
pleasure) and try to pull out the coolest crap you have to impress them
5+ teen girls – host and award show where they decide who is
nominated and who wins the world… the biggest popularity party on earth
Always try to limit talking, on both sides of the equation.
After watching the horrible tail end of the program,
including lots of unfamiliar faces presenting awards (seriously, I am a radio
host I should know who these people are) and Miley Cyrus winning the
inexplicable ‘Candies Fashion Trendsetter’ award (issue #1: 1998 called and
wants it’s relevant sponsor back and issue #2: seriously the girl wearing a dog
collar?). I was a little sour and depressed, when did I get so old?
But, then the ‘Teen Choice Awards’ redeemed itself… kind of.
I caught a re-stream of Ashton (Chris) Kutcher’s speech that was surpisingly
great. If you have no idea what I am talking about watch this (skip to 1:50):
Work hard, be sexy (by being smart) and don’t be afraid to
stand out. Seriously an amazing message, from a not-so-serious guy; I am not a
huge Ashton Kutcher fan but I am a big fan of this message (even though it was totally a plug for his new Steve Jobs bio-pic). A little more intelligent
than Miley’s, “Thank you guys so much! You
little kids having fun this year at the Teen Choice Awards?”
The worst really won’t and can’t stop, right?
This blog was totally spurred on by these kiddos total lack
of judgment; everyone knows ‘Get Lucky’ and ‘Blurred Lines’ are the songs of
the summer… chosing ‘We Can’t Stop’ just shows how bad their judgment is.
Also, it made me feel really old.
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